The Patient Speaks!

April 22, 2003

Am I addicted?  Hmmm….  I would imagine there are very few long term migraine sufferer’s out there that haven’t asked themselves this very question.  So why am I asking it now, as I have been at this disease for 23 years?

As I was wearing out the batteries in the remote last night, Chicago’s Channel 7 had an ABC NEWS SPECIAL by John Stossel entitled “Help Me, I Can’t Help Myself”  (see http://abcnews.go.com/sections/us/Living/stossel_addiction030421.html).  Now, I am not normally a fan of ABC nor John Stossel (sorry, John).  Think Discovery/Learning/History/Animal Planet channels and BBC America.  However, in flipping through the bazillion channels my Digital Cable Service provides, I could find absolutely nothing of interest except the haunting program teaser about being addicted.  So I grabbed my bowl of tyramine & MSG-free gourmet pop corn and settled in.

At first I thought John was just presenting the normal liberal media feel good pablum about how nothing is our fault.  Not drug nor sex nor food nor smoking nor anything addiction.  And what, exactly, is addiction?  Then the totally unexpected happened and Mr. Stossel had people who claimed we were responsible for ourselves!  Oh my gosh!  On my very own television someone actually informed me I was responsible for my own vices and needs.  Geesh!  Now what am I going to do?  Please, oh PLEASE do not let my insurance company find this out.

Enough nonsense.  It was soooo refreshing to hear those magic words that we all know, but may be hard pressed to admit.  The concept of a person being responsible for their lot in life.  Finally!

None of the foregoing is an attempt to diminish the struggles we go through trying to find relief for our disease.  I am using this example to distinguish between “pain relief dependance” and “addiction”.  Those having surfed the web over the years, including usenet have seen this argument many times over.  In my own experience, I smoked three packs of cigarettes a day for 15 years.  Like many people, I claimed I “couldn’t” quit – the tobacco companies “made” me an addict.  Quitting smoking became a daily failed profession for me.  Then at 10:30pm Friday February 29, 1980 I, Rich Hansen, decided to quit.  To this day, I have never smoked another weed.  Was it comfortable?  Heck NO!  It took me a year to finally admit I had kicked the habit.  Further, of any drug that I have had to get off of, nicotine is by far the worst withdrawal I have ever had.  Methadone for headache was a close second, but nicotine was the absolute worst.

So how did I quit the nicotine?  By admitting I was not addicted, but Rich Hansen chose to smoke.  It was MY responsibility.  Period.  Once I admitted that, I took the further responsibility of quitting.  For the record, I quit not for health reasons, but economics.  At the time, tobacco cost me – my family – $15.00 per week, or 29 cents per pack.  Plus a little male macho entered the mix wherein I told myself I, Mr. Male would not let “something” control me.  Mr. Male was in charge.  Women can stop gagging now.

When I entered the world of Chronic Daily Headache, or Intractable Migraine, or geesh – my head hurts and began taking different medications, I used the exact same mindset to stop taking “those” drugs.  Fiorinol, codeine, methadone, hydrocodone (Vicodin), morphine, percoset, etc., etc., etc.  As many of you know, one may begin on a med having great results.  Eventually one’s body gets “used” to the drug, or compensates and it is time for a change.  Sometimes, that change is not pleasant.  However, even though a doctor prescribed the drug, me – you – the patient – opted to take that drug.  Therefore it is our responsibility.  Our responsibility to begin taking it and our responsibility to stop.  Not the doctor.  Not the drug company.  Not the government.  Not the spouse, girl/boyfriend.  Us.  You, me.  Period.

So, am I occasionally “addicted”?  Absolutely not.  Am I occasionally dependant upon a drug to regulate my daily pain to the degree I can be a productive citizen, father and husband?  Absolutely yes.  As long as you are secure in the knowledge you take a medicine to help address your illness, you have nothing to apologize for nor defend.  If you are taking it because it does nothing for your illness and you just “feel better”, then time to take responsibility and have a chat with your doctor.  You CAN get off the medicine.  You may not want to deal with the discomfort, but you CAN do it.

Personal to John Stossel – Please let me know when you have another special.  I’d like to watch.

In addition to the standard disclaimer: The preceding opinions are mine alone, not necessarily that of Doctor Lawrence Robbins (or anyone else).

Rich Hanson